Today at work I got in a knock down, drag-out, hair-pulling, house-wife screaming fight with a knitting pattern. You know those tv episodes that start out with some rather ridiculous fight narrated in the first person and then backtracks to tell you what happened? It was something like that.
No matter what department I am working in I usually take my lunch break at the same table every day. And if I am not working in the department with that table I usually end up eating with one of my coworkers who has lunch at the same time. We don't always talk, sometimes we sit there and both read while we eat. I always knit, though. That's just who I am and most people at work now accept that. So imagine a nice peaceful early afternoon lunch. We're both sitting there eating the meager offerings of our fridge (she had stale cereal, I had a not-quite-in-date yogurt) and chatting nicely when suddenly I go ballistic.
"Hold on a sec. I have to recount this." This statement still falls in the realm of normal for interaction with me. I'm almost always counting something. But as I'm counting I start to get this sinking feeling.
"One sec." I say. I'm sure my coworker is beginning to get slightly frustrated with me. If I only wanted a sec I'd be done by now. But no. I now begin flipping the page back and forth trying to make sense of the directions. Surely I'm reading something wrong. Surely I mis-read something. Nope, it's there plain as the crumbs on my blouse. "Knit one, yarn over" where clearly there should be knit two, yarn over. I mean, that's what makes logical sense. That's what keeps this pattern moving. That's what the chart looks like. How can this be a knit one all the way through. There's no way. What is this designer thinking? Maybe it was badly edited when put in the magazine? I pull out my phone and check Ravelry, blessing my unlimited data plan as I begin to scroll through projects and checking "helpful notes".
"This isn't right."
"These directions. They're wrong. There's no way and for some reason no one mentioned it. They're all talking about something earlier in the pattern that makes total sense, but this part is wrong and no one is talking about it!"
"What is it supposed to be?"
"Well it says knit one, yarnover, which makes sense for the first row. But all the other rows are not going to look like that so they wrote the directions wrong. I know what it's supposed to look like so I'll knit it that way but I don't understand why they wrote it this way."
"Oh... wait... I found it. Never mind! We're all good! So you were saying you went to the beach?"
Fortunately my coworker is also the friend who took our engagement pictures last week, so she's seen more than a little knitting craziness on my end.
And yes, I found out what was wrong, but I'll be stabbed with Addi-Turbo Lace needles before I tell you.