My Fellow Knitters,
It grieves me greatly to inform you of crimes inflicted on our own, but I feel it is my duty to tell you of the menace living in our midst. For indeed, one of your fellows has committed a grave crime and aided in the destruction of one Time of My Life Sock. Today around 12:45 EST this poor innocent sock became the third victim in a string of serial attacks. The perpetrator is currently mourning her crimes and promises never to knit socks again, but we doubt she will be able to resist her neon cables for long when she becomes lost in swaths of stockinette. Though she is still feeling the bite from where the sock reacted to her neglect the physical reminders will not last long.
In anticipation of her relapse into sock knitting, particularly with the start of Sock the Vote and the arrival of a Stockinette Zombies sock kit just around the corner, we propose that the knitter learn how to darn socks. The ideal solution would be for the knitter to buy a different pair of work shoes, but she finds the expense daunting and so has tentatively promised to investigate learning a new skill.
The latest sock victim is still clinging to life, albeit by a quite literal thread. In lieu of flowers we ask that those who wish to donate send advice on how to repair current injuries and guard against those coming in the future. For those interests in the gory details, the fatal blow occurred in the same location as its predecessors, at the center of the achilles tendon.